Is it even possible to have peaceful sibling relationships?! Yes. Yes it is.
I came to peaceful parenting a bit later in my parenting journey (when my boys were about 9 and 5), so I sometimes like to share scenarios and compare how I used to handle things to how I handle things now that I’ve discovered peaceful parenting. The following scenario was from 2013, about 6 months into our peaceful parenting journey.
When peaceful parenting overflows into peaceful sibling relationships...
SITUATION: Since I apparently have poor time-management skills, we were again rushed to get out the door this morning. The boys were going to go to their grandparents' house while I went to an appointment with my parents. My 6 yo grabbed a bag with a toy that the 10 yo was planning to bring so their grandfather could help him fix it. The 10 yo then said,
"[Brother]! don't grab that; you'll break it!"
Then (pre-peaceful parenting): This is what would have happened next if our home were still like it was 6 months ago: the 6 yo would have yelled that no, he won't break it.
The 10 yo would have snatched the toy and yelled back, "You break everything! It's my toy!"
This would have led the 6 yo to scream and start crying and shouting that he doesn't like his brother and that this is the worst day ever.
The 10 yo would have proceeded to yell that the 6 yo is a baby and he breaks everything.
I would have become frazzled and would have sworn that these children were put on earth solely to try my patience.
I would have scolded the 10 yo for snatching the bag and yelling at the 6 yo.
I would have told the 6 yo it was no big deal and that if he didn't get in the car, he wouldn't get to go play with his grandparents.
The threats would have eventually 'worked,' but we would all be upset and grumpy.
And I would have been late.
Now (~6 months into peaceful parenting journey): Right after the 10 yo told the 6 yo not to grab the bag, his tone changed, and he slowed down.
He said, "Thank you for trying to help, [Brother], but the toy is really fragile."
The 6 yo then handed the bag gently to his brother, and the 10 yo proceeded to point out the parts that are fragile and might break.
The 6 yo listened and watched but didn't get upset.
I continued to get ready without saying a word, and all was well.
It was amazing to see my 10 yo switch gears from reactive (oh no! Brother is going to break it!) to compassionate and supportive (thanking his brother for trying to help).
By acknowledging that his brother was only trying to be helpful, he was able to calm a situation that could have easily escalated into a fight.
And the 6 yo was receptive to the correction because his intent was acknowledged.
Later on in the car I made a point to thank them both for how they handled getting ready, and I pointed out how things used to be compared to how they are now. They know I appreciate their cooperation and helpfulness.
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2023 reflection: At the time of this situation, it was still difficult for me to stay quiet and allow the boys to handle things, so congrats to younger me for being patient and trusting the boys to work it out. This is another one of those moments that has the Grace of God written all over it!
For more on helping with conflict resolution and problem solving, see my post, 'Why can't they just get along?! (Conflict Resolution: How to Help With Problem Solving).' https://www.catholicpeacefulparent.com/post/why-can-t-they-just-get-along-conflict-resolution-how-to-help-with-problem-solving
May Christ's Peace be with you.
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