SCENARIO: I told the boys that the dishwasher was dirty and that they could put their dirty dishes in there when done. They were in the middle of playing a game, and although they acknowledged what I had said, I suspected that it didn't really register. When they were done, they put their dishes in the sink.
Then (pre-peaceful parenting): I would have scolded and asked why they didn't put the dishes in the dishwasher like I had asked them to. This would have been met with defiance and probably an argument.
Maybe something like…
Boy: "you didn't tell us to."
Me: "Yes I did. I told you the dishwasher was dirty, and I asked you to put your dishes in there."
Boy: "I didn't hear you."
Me: "because you don't listen."
Boy: "yes I do."
Me: "Then why didn't you do what I asked?"
And a lecture would likely have followed, tensions would have increased, and there would have been a significant disconnect.
But that didn't happen...
Now (what did happen, 3 years into our peaceful parenting journey):
I knew that they were only half listening when I had made the original request.
They were busy doing something that was important to them, and their attention was on that.
Their acknowledgement to me was an unfocused response.
I knew it probably didn't register,
so I gently teasingly feigned shock:
“Where are those dishes supposed to go?"
My warm smile assured them that I was not upset with them.
They apologized and put the dishes away and laughed at themselves because they can never seem to remember.
Just approaching the situation with grace and humor allowed us to remain connected, and the dishes still got put where they needed to go.
———
2023 Reflection…
Humor.
What a gift humor is!
Humor can facilitate cooperation.
Humor can defuse difficult situations.
Humor can prevent disconnection.
Humor can be a means to reconnect.
Humor doesn’t need to be big laughs (although, what a blessing big laughs are!); it can be warmth and light-heartedness. It can be that warm smile and twinkle in the eye.
By choosing to be playful in the above scenario, I was able to facilitate cooperation by staying connected with my kids (with a bonus of their self reflection recognizing that they had a tendency to forget). Being stern and grumpy surely would not have produced the same results.
As Proverbs 15:30 reminds us, “A cheerful glance brings joy to the heart.”
May Christ’s Peace be with you.
💕🙏💕
[I came to peaceful parenting a bit later in my parenting journey (when my boys were about 9 and 5), so I sometimes like to share scenarios and compare how I used to handle things to how I handle things now that I’ve discovered peaceful parenting.
The above scenario was from 2015, about 3 years into my peaceful parenting journey.]
