What a difference a year makes in this journey toward peaceful parenting!
SCENARIO: This morning we needed to leave the house to go to my 10 yo's orthodontic appointment. I asked my 6 yo to get the kindle. I went out to the car, and my 10 yo soon followed carrying the kindle. I waited a few minutes, but no 6 yo. I went inside to find him lying on the futon sulking.
Then (pre-peaceful parenting): A year ago, this would have been a bad scene.
I would have been feeling rushed because we needed to leave.
I would have asked him what was wrong.
He wouldn't have told me.
I would have insisted that he come, we were going to be late.
He would have stayed put,
and things would have quickly escalated to me yelling and him crying.
I would have been frazzled and angry and stressed.
I would have felt horrible, and my 6 yo would have felt worse.
BUT! That didn't happen!
Now (one year into our peaceful parenting journey):
I walked in the room and empathetically said, "Hey, buddy, it looks like you are feeling pretty sad. I'd really like to help you with that, but we need to get to the appointment."
His response (with pout) was, "I don't care!"
I then calmly said, "I understand that, but we really can't reschedule this appointment, and it isn't fair to waste the doctor's time and our money. How about if you come with me, and we can talk about it and come up with a solution in the car?”
He replied, "maybe" as he reached for my outstretched hand and we walked out to the car.
No tears.
No yelling.
No anger.
No anxiety.
Just peace.
And we made it to the appointment on time. This life is good 😊
Follow-up:
We did discuss it, and my 6 yo said that he was upset that his brother had gotten the kindle instead of him.
It really has taken a major shift in my thinking to be compassionate about that sort of thing.
My adult perspective is that it is so ridiculous to get upset over who got the kindle.
I used to have so little patience for those seemingly trivial things.
But shifting to the child's perspective, I realize that it was not trivial to my 6 yo.
He really wanted to help.
He was given a task and wanted to be helpful.
His brother took that away from him,
and that was disappointing.
Allowing my 6 yo to be disappointed for those few minutes didn't take anything away from me, but it was big for him.
2024 Reflection:
It is absolutely okay for our kids to feel what they feel.
It is okay to be disappointed.
It is okay to be sad.
And it is okay to express those emotions.
By letting my son know that I wanted to help him and that I cared how he was feeling, I was letting him know that he is loved.
And isn’t that what we all want?
And isn’t that what Jesus asks of us? To love one another?
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. “ - John 15:12
We are called to love one another as Jesus loves us.
Loving one another needs to start in our homes, with the people the Lord has placed in our lives.
With our spouses.
With our children.
May our families know of God’s love for them because they can feel it through us.
May Christ’s Peace be with you.
💕🙏💕
[I came to peaceful parenting a bit later in my parenting journey (when my boys were about 9 and 5), so I sometimes like to share scenarios and compare how I used to handle things to how I handle things now that I’ve discovered peaceful parenting. The scenario referenced in this post was from 2013, about 1 year into our peaceful parenting journey.]
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