THE SCENARIO: My dear 11 yo has a hard time with disappointment, accepting when things don't happen like he expected.
This used to drive me a little bonkers because, quite frankly, I felt it was a bit ridiculous because that's how life is!
So, today he found out that the model ship he ordered likely will not arrive before he goes to his grandfather’s house on Friday (despite having gotten expedited shipping), so he likely won't get to build it with his grandfather this week.
He became upset.
He went on and on about the stupid company and how we should sue them and that it was stupid and didn't make sense, etc.
Then (pre-peaceful parenting): The old me would have done something about his behavior…
maybe told him to chill out in his room (i.e. a time out)
maybe lectured him about disappointment and how life is filled with disappointment, etc.
maybe scolded him for some of the words he used, etc.
I am certain that any of these tactics would have escalated his feelings and prolonged the anger and disappointment.
But, I didn't do those things. Instead…
Now (about 2 years into our peaceful parenting journey):
I listened to my boy vent.
I put my arm around him and told him I understood his disappointment and that I'd be disappointed, too.
I let him be disappointed and empathized with him,
and you know what?
He dealt with his feelings and moved on.
And, furthermore,
he thanked me!
He just needed to feel
and to be understood.
Then he could move on.
How I wish I'd known this when he was younger!
———————
2024 Reflection…
When our children are having a hard time with something, they don’t need us to pile on by lecturing them or punishing them.
They need us to be present, to listen, and maybe even try to understand.
It’s no different than what we adults need when we are having a hard time.
When we feel a big disappointment, we don’t need our spouse downplaying it or our friend telling us to get over it.
No. We need a listening ear and compassion.
And we have the best model on how to help someone who is experiencing a big disappointment and is venting. We just need to look at how our Lord deals with us when we offload to Him.
He listens.
He lets us offload.
And He invites us rest in Him.
May Christ’s Peace be with you.
💕🙏💕
[I came to peaceful parenting a bit later in my parenting journey (when my boys were about 9 and 5), so I sometimes like to share scenarios and compare how I used to handle things to how I handle things now that I’ve discovered peaceful parenting. The above scenario was from 2014, about 2 years into our peaceful parenting journey.]