<Tone can make a huge difference in our relationships with our kiddos. The difference between barking an order and inviting cooperation is significant for our kiddos' hearts.>
SCENARIO: I asked my boys to put their laundry away. They were both busy, but one stopped what he was doing and put the laundry away immediately. The other said he would "in just a minute."
When I walked by the laundry room later, I saw that "in just a minute" never happened.
Then (before peaceful parenting):
Pre-peaceful parenting this would have bothered me.
Putting away clothes is not a lot to ask and does not take much time.
I would have been put out that I was having to ask again, and this likely would have shown in my tone of voice.
I might have sounded angry ("I told you to put your clothes away!"),
exasperated ("Why haven't you put these clothes away yet?),
or put out ("ugh. I can't believe you haven't put your clothes away yet!").
This likely would have led to defensiveness and 'attitude' - maybe he would have resisted or maybe he would have complied with grumbling and stomping feet.
This would have caused me to get angry, and things would have escalated.
Thankfully none of that happened. Instead....
.
.
.
Now (4 years into our peaceful parenting journey):
I noticed the clothes, and then gently said my boy's name. Then I casually (and sticking with "I" statements) said, "Buddy, I still need those clothes put away."
He responded with "oh yeah!"
He jumped from his seat to put them away.
And then I genuinely thanked him.
My keeping a light and happy tone made all the difference in this scenario.
—————-
2025 Reflections…
Tone, friends, it can make all the difference in how communication is received.
I’m reminded of a time when I had stopped yelling at my kids, but I hadn’t tamed my triggers yet, so my calm was forced.
And I sighed with exasperation frequently. And my tone was likely not gentle and loving.
Following one such exasperated sigh, my sweet 6-year-old asked me why I was always mad at him. Although I wasn’t mad at him, my tone gave him a different message.
And it’s not just with our kids.
It’s with our spouses.
Our siblings.
Our friends.
Our co-workers.
Paying more attention to how we talk to our kids and other people in our lives and being more aware of the messages we might be sending them with our tone can help prevent disconnection and help maintain cooperation.
And it is helpful to be aware of how our own state of mind and heart influence how we perceive tone in what we are reading.
And, if we find that our own tone is a little harsh or we are perceiving another’s tone as being harsh, we can see that as invitation to pray for that other person.
Because tone matters.
May Christ’s Peace be with you.
💕🙏💕
[I came to peaceful parenting a bit later in my parenting journey (when my boys were about 9 and 5), so I sometimes like to share scenarios and compare how I used to handle things to how I handle things now that I’ve discovered peaceful parenting. The scenario referenced in this post was from 2016, about 4 years into our peaceful parenting journey.]
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